Not that there’s every much of a plot to the Fast & Furious franchise, but there are plot spoilers in this review. But we posted this three weeks after the premier. And if you need to read a review before you go to see this, you probably aren’t going anyway. I will say this, they’re tightening the story threads they’ve been piling up in the franchise over the last decade.
Trix: So a half-Italian,half- African-American man, two African-Americans, a Korean, a half-African American, Half-Samoan, a half-Panamanian chick, a Dominican chick, an Israeli chick, and a Taiwanese Director walk into a bar… and make a billion dollars. Oh yeah and Paul Walker too…ugh
Laser: And they met a set of doppelgänger who stole their seats, right?
Trix: Yeah! We can get to that but I wish the Superfriends vs. the Legion of Doom theme was played up more, anyway if you haven’t guessed yet it’s FAST and FURIOUS 6, yo!
Laser: It’s amazing how consistent this franchise has been. They have a formula and stick to it no matter who they add to the cast.
Trix: Yeah, I remember when I saw The Fast and The Furious in the theater, the first time. I recall discussing NoS with strangers while my girlfriend rolled her eyes. I love how the franchise has evolved from car porn to Hard Scrabble Oceans 11 and has gotten better with each movie.
Laser: I’m not a gear head and I got into it. It’s just great use of archetypes, gritty emotion, and phenomenal cinematography. The only franchise that comes close is Bond, and that’s a completely different genre.
Trix: Yeah, I admit that this franchise has been a guilty pleasure, I’ve seen all six films on opening weekend and that includes 2 Fast 2 Furious and Tokyo Drift. I have never modded my car but there are times when I’ve pushed the phantom NoS button on my steering wheel. So wait, you aren’t a gear head? That’s surprising I thought you would be the type to tinker with your ride when you were younger.
Laser: Heck no. I tinker with my PC. I’d rather have a bike than a car. This is such a guilty pleasure my friend who will see A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G if someone asks her to the movie wouldn’t go with me. This movie is a modern-day white hat gangster flick. They’ve got a code, and they live by it. No matter what. Ride or die.
Trix: Ride or Die…and family. They would fit right in with the Bluths. So yeah, I had to see this flick alone, I didn’t even ask my movie pal to go because she’s , well…educated
Laser: So, out of all the cheesy moments, what made you just get that HELLS YEAH! moment?
Trix: From the very beginning with the 2 Chainz, Wiz Kalifa montage with the highlights from the first five movies ending with the slow motion Michael Bay Cast walk, I was already jumping out of my seat. Two minutes later you have the The Rock throwing civil rights out the window. I was like “HELLS YEAH!” POLICE BRUTALITY!
Laser: Those are pretty dope, but I have to go with O’Conner and Dom racing to Mia popping a baby out. Dom trying to sell the “retired and happy, now get off my porch” to Biceps Johnson and the recruitment montage was pretty epic.
Trix: Between Fast 5 and Fast 6 they have raised the “getting the band back together” scenes to a new level. Just the premise of Rock having to recruit Dom’s crew out of all his global underworld contacts just makes me smile. One of the things I loved about the movie’s setup is that the Brazilian Cop and Mia are practically showing Dom and Brian out the door to go fight this terrorist that is even too dangerous for Hobbs to fight alone. There is no place for the Wet Blanket girlfriend in the Fast and Furious world!
Laser: It’s just surreal. It’s the opposite of Uhura in Star Trek Into Darkness. They’re no more empowered, just enabling.
Trix: Like Gisele says “It’s who they are”. Funny thing you bringing up Uhura. I’m going to be the Bizzaro Paul Rudd and Seth Rogan here: You know why Dom’s not gay? Because Letty is friggin awesome compared to anyone else in the movie!
Laser: No argument here about the relative strength of the characters. Dom and Letty easily have the best chemistry of any of the cast mates. Where are you going with that?
Trix: That and Letty is Dom’s equal in just about every way. I think regardless of gender or orientation you pick Letty over Paul Walker every time. Contrast this to Star Trek, Uhura had one job, to avoid conflict with the Klingons, and she failed.
Laser: Yeah, that scene where she’s stone cold as she puts a bullet in him is weird to see with their history. And she keeps doing her job against her friends up until Dom catches her across a bridge. She’s ruthlessly efficient.
Trix: Out of all the leaping from cars scenes in the franchise, that one is my favorite. Dom had to be going about 70 mph, he leaps at least 200 ft. and they both land on the windshield that just caves in…barely. If I rolled off the roof of my SUV I would do more damage to my windshield! That one actually drew laughs from the crowd. As far as ridiculous physics bending what stands out for you?
Laser: Yeah, there was a scattered chorus of ‘NO WAY!’ in the theater when that happened. I’d have to go with the first car flip. It’s like they lifted the John McClain move of throwing a car at a helicopter and put it on an entirely different level.
Trix: What I love about these movies is that they can have these totally “no way IRL” stunts, terrible dialogue, and (at times ) cheesy acting, but Justin Lin just shrugs it all off and just no sells everything and just keeps on moving. I’ve loved a lot of dumb things, but the dumber and more improbable it gets, I just keep wanting more.
Laser: This guy should have directed the G.I. Joe sequel.
Trix: There’s this scene especially, when they go into the British pawn shop and Dom and Brian wreck fools getting info about the gun he was shot with. As they leave the open/close sign is just dangling there. Of course you know Brian is just going to flip the sign and he slowly acknowledges it, almost makes it out the door and then flips the sign to closed anyway. This is not a gag that should be in a movie that is breaking opening day records! Lin leaves that scene in shoots it as if he’s in on the gag, but still treats it seriously, like he knows that the Paul Walker Ham and Cheese effect is too much to fight.
Laser: YEA! That totally sold the scene! So what was the best line for you? Cuz this movie is just littered with one liners that sizzle like a snake on a hot plate
Trix: Well I can tell you that it’s not anything Tyrese says…
Laser: Hater. The flight to Macau where he does a ditch and coupon for the buffet was perfect!
Trix: I think it’s the Rock at the end, when Tyrese tells Mia to hide the baby oil and the Rock tells him to “Hide his big ass forehead”. it’s not the line so much but Ludacris‘s spit take which suggests that Luda is the master of spit takes or that was a Rock ad lib.
Laser: Oh man, the Luda intro to that earlier was my favorite line. I’m willing to chalk it up to cast chemistry. It felt like there was almost a family rip vibe.
Trix: Which is why this franchise works. Did the Ludacris, Rock scene at the car auction work for you?
Laser: That was possibly the only scene that didn’t work for me. It felt so forced. Which is weird because there’s great chemistry between Biceps and Luda. Thoughts?
Trix: It just seemed out-of-place. The comedy in F and F is so much more effective when it’s unintentional and/or involving driving, fighting, or blowing things up. On a whole the tone is very comic even when shit gets real, which helps, especially when you are fighting a tank or barreling down a 50 mile runway
Laser: Yeah, for some reason the jokes make it easier to buy in. Like in Snakes On A Plane where everyone sells the fact there are SNAKES ON THE MUTHERFUCKIN’ PLANE!
Trix: AH SNAKE GET OFF MY DICK! Which segues into the important stuff. Where do you rank Jordana Brewster, Michelle Rodriguez, Gal Gadot, Gina Carano, Brazillian Cop and Paul Walker‘s Evil Twin Sister on the bang-ability scale?
Laser: The brunettes are going to rule the ranking for me. As immobile as she was on-screen I’d have to go with Gina Carano because she easily was the least rail-thin woman in the cast. Letty and Mia were both rail-thin. I like Michelle Rodriguez more in the Resident Evil flicks where she’s more athletic than eye candy. There was that one scene were she looked thinner than a piece of paper. *shudders* Gal Gadot was almost ghastly thin. Sadly, Elsa Pataky had movie dead-eyes1. Complete turn-off. And honestly, Clara Paget barely felt like she was only there to be the punchline for Tyrese’s joke. Who’s tops on your list?
Trix: Yeah, I agree, I gotta have some meat on dem bones so that knocks down Gal Gadot a few notches. Letty is too scary, Mia sucks, Gina is right up there but I would have to go with Brazillian Cop because she would be the one I’d want to be banging if my thought-to-be-dead girlfriend came back from the grave. Her no drama attitude goes a long way with me. Oh and btw did you know Gina dates Henry Cavill?
Laser: Yeah, her character’s open attitude was a great thing to see. It’s so rare to see a healthy outlook on relationships in movies. And to get it in Furious 6? Bonus. So what did you think of Carano in this?
Trix: Her fight scenes were excellent and really hot. I wish they could have made her part of the crew. I thought she was fine and it sounded like they used her real speaking voice as opposed to remixing it as they did in Haywire
Laser: Agreed on all of that. Except I was disappointed they didn’t have an epic showdown between her and Rock. After it became clear that she was going to betray them I thought that was where it was going.
Trix: But he’s a man! It wouldn’t be a fair fight! Er, I mean Bechdel Test, feminism, no more women in fridges….
Laser: Dude, if ANYONE could hypothetically take on Rock and make it look plausible, it’d be her.
Trix: I’d put money on her against anyone but the Rock or Vin Diesel since he never loses a fight or race unless he wants to. I did like the makeshift Doomsday Device where they stacked up the steroid monster and gave him a flying Superman punch.
Laser: Yeah, the Brock Lesnar stand-in was entertaining. It was a much better fight for Rock than the G.I. Joe movie gave him. I actually felt bad for Letty in her fight scene with Carano though. It just didn’t look like she stood a chance for a second.
Trix: Yeah, though well choreographed it had a low believability factor if you were familiar with Gina’s background. Any last thought before we talk about the post credits scene?
Laser: Yeah, the best character scene was after the Dom/Letty race. As cheesy as it was, there were a couple of women dabbing their eyes. I admit I had a guilty grin. It worked really well. Nice payoff for the actors.
Trix: I think that scene is an example on why this movie franchise has worked so well. Regardless of the material they have to work with, Lin takes care of his actors and in this movie all the members of the crew got a good amount of screen time. Even though the script doesn’t emphasize deep characterization or contain well written dialogue if you execute well, and put the effort into making the best movie possible out of what you have, you can get moments like this and characters that resonate to some extent. With the exception of Paul Walker, there is no hope for him. On to the post credits scene!
Laser: It’s like the Superman-Batman movie crossover! You got The Driver in my F&F7!
Trix: This was about as well executed as any post credits scene in history.
Laser: I actively avoid spoilers, so even if it was leaked… yeah. My jaw dropped. I texted a friend and they didn’t get it.
Trix: I got spoiled on Statham being in Fast 7, but I had no idea they would splice in the footage from Tokyo Drift to make him Han’s killer. It makes Tokyo Drift a must re-watch for me now.
Laser: I didn’t know that was a splice job! Tokyo Drift was one I didn’t watch. *sigh* Time to go through all 5.
Trix: Yeah look up Han and his history in Justin Lin movies. Lin created the Han character in his Indie movie Better luck Tomorrow used the same character in Tokyo Drift as a tie in to Dom Toretta. The scene where Han dies was in the middle of Tokyo Drift and he is brought back in Fast & Furious. It was explained that Tokyo Drift takes place after FF 6 which is why Han refers to Tokyo in 4, 5, and 6 as a wink and a nod as the audience realizes that’s when he will meet his end.
Laser: Wow. That’s like a Tarantino out-of-order sequence, only across movies instead. That’s a helluva lot of effort. Good thing these movies are so light or this could get complicated.
Trix: I just loved the way that Lin begins and ends his directorial run as the story of Han, and boy will the crew be pissed.
Laser: It’s going to be interesting. I’m definitely in for F&F7. What’s your verdict overall?
Trix: It’s everything I want out of a summer movie and just keeps getting better. It’s also builds so much anticipation for FF7. First of all I heard that it might be a three-parter. Will they bring back Gisele for the revenge party? Will they bring back Devon Aoki from 2 Fast to fill in the Asian void? Is Pee Wee Reese from 42 going to join the gang? Is it even fair to have the director of Saw for a Fast and Furious movie that starts with a double revenge storyline? I can’t wait for Super Bowl Sunday and the first FF7 ad!
Laser: Yeah, this was the best popcorn devouring movie this year. And just being a casual fan, this made me want to go out and re-watch the franchise. That tidbit about the Saw director is interesting. I’m in for FF7!